which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
