At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
