Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
