Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize