Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
