How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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