We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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