so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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