I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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