Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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