either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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