med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
