Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
