he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
