I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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