life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize