i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
where are you?
Hypothermia
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
