We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
