OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
