Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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