Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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