I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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