your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
And then he peed in my hair
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