wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
