is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
