In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize