At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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