worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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