my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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