I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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