maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
