I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
