then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
