half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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