Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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