My pussy is not your playground.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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