Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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