Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize