yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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