I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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