reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
