found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
