Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize