omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
