She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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