Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
