Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
