Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
