I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's official drugs can't kill me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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