Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
