i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
