Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
