i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
