opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
