I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize