The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
