She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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