absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
