The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
