brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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