im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
