She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
