he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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