I want to have your abortion
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
