You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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