I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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