If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
