Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
