I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
